My friend Maureen

Boy, Dear Diary, I was like blown away by that “sweet,” you know, column by my old pal Maureen of the Times.

Wasn’t that a nice, sort of, column she wrote about my trying to like get anointed to be a Senator?

Lots of times, Maureen is, you know, downright mean and snarky.

So it came like a bolt from the you know blue when I opened my newspaper and at last found some kind words.

Maureen doesn’t think it’s at all, you know, bad that I don’t want to talk about why I want to be a sort of Senator.

Maureen says, like, there’s nothing wrong with me being part of a, you know, political dynasty.

Wasn’t it sweet that she called Grampa Joe a, sort of, “wily patriarch”? She could have said, like, lots of awful things, but that would be mean, and Maureen is saving her meanness for like politicians.

Oh boy can she be, like, mean when she wants to be.

But she wasn’t mean to me, even though I kind of refused to say where my money comes from.

Now, if Bad Bill Clinton did that, boy would Maureen skewer the Big Dog.

Hey, I think she like did get on Bill’s case about that. And lots of other, you know, stuff.

But Maureen knows I’m not a politician. Even if I, you know, get anointed Senator, that still won’t make me, like, a politician.

So Maureen won’t have to skewer me like she does it to Bad Bill.

I like that she didn’t, sort of, give me a nickname like she does for Bad Bill and Bubble-Boy  W Bush and Darth Cheney.

But see, she’s like my friend, I think, ’cause she wrote, “I know Caroline Kennedy. She’s smart, cultivated, serious and unpretentious. The Senate, shamefully sparse on profiles in courage during Dick Cheney’s reign of terror, would be lucky to get her.”

It doesn’t matter to Maureen that, like, I won’t tell people where my money comes from. Like, I’m rich! What more do they, like, need to know? Politicians like rightly should disclose, but I’m not, you know, like I said, a politician.

So what if I won’t, like, answer questions?

Since when does a Senator, like, answer questions?

Senators give, you know, speeches and stuff.

I just wish my friend Maureen had not, sort of, mentioned me along with lowlifes like Jesse Helms, Strom Thurmond and Robert Torricelli.

Hey, Dear Diary, who is Robert Torricellli, anyway?

Drop me a line at joelthurtell(at)gmail.com

Posted in Queen Caroline's Diary | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Mitch: “This is my city”

By Joel Thurtell

I saw the small-capital-letter headline in today’s (January 12, 2009) Detroit Free Press, “MITCH SENDS A MESSAGE FROM DETROIT” followed by the big red lower-case head, “We’re not gum on America’s shoe.” I wondered where he REALLY wrote that message to America.

I heard in working more than two decades at the Free Press that Mitch Albom seldom writes his stories from the sports desk in Detroit.

Turns out the Free Press was re-printing Mitch’s big January 7, 2009 Sports Illustrated column defending Detroit from people who say nasty things about it.

I wanted to ask him, “Hey, Mitch, where’d you send that message FROM?”

No luck: Mitch has an unlisted phone number.

What to do?

When in Rome, do as the Romans do.

Or, when Mitch ain’t there, do as Mitch would do.

Make it up.

Wow. That’s it — fake it!

Hey, if Mitch can get away with fiction-as-journalism, why can’t I?

Here’s my fake interview with Pseudo-Mitch Albom.

Joelontheroad: Hi, Mitch. Nice to meet you, at last. I worked at the Free Press 23 years, but I only saw you in the building once and never actually met you. When I did see you, it was at a staff meeting where you were talking to us about what it’s like to be a famous writer.

Pseudo-Mitch: You never met me because I don’t work at the Free Press, Joel. Didn’t you know that? I don’t work AT the paper. Newsrooms are terrible places to do any creative writing. Editors are there. Plus I have a busy schedule giving talks and promoting books and such things. An office is no place for a writer, Joel.

JOTR: In your Sports Illustrated piece, you refer to yourself as a Detroiter. And you say you work at home. Where is home?

PM: Why, home is where my office and personal assistant are.

JOTR: Somewhere in Detroit?

PM: Well, no. Not exactly in Detroit. Close enough for government — I mean, journalism work.

JOTR: If not Detroit, where?

PM: Why, Franklin.

JOTR: Franklin?

PM: Franklin. It’s close enough to Detroit.

JOTR: But it’s not part of Detroit?

PM: Well, no, not exactly. It’s a village.

JOTR: I see it on the map. It’s in Oakland County. Highest per capita income of any county in the state, Oakland.

PM: Franklin. Close to Detroit.

JOTR: Well, I’m looking at my map and it seems Franklin is four and a half miles from Detroit. It doesn’t even border on Detroit.

PM: Close enough.

JOTR: But you wrote this long, long article in Sports Illustrated that says, “This is my city.” And you mean Detroit. This was after a long, long preamble describing men in a homeless shelter in Detroit, and you conclude that passage by writing, “This is my city.”

PM: It IS my city.

JOTR: But you live in Franklin. That’s your city.

PM: Franklin is not a city at all. It’s a village.

JOTR: But you keep saying in the Sports Illustrated article that you’re a Detroiter, that you live in Detroit. You write, as if you live in Detroit, that “we are downtrodden,…” Are you downtrodden?

PM: Well, Joel, Detroiters ARE downtrodden.

JOTR: How about Detroiters who live in tony places like Indian Village? How about Detroiters who live in those nice condos along Woodward near Wayne State? Are they “downtrodden”?

PM: Well, Joel, like I say in Sports Illustrated, an article that the Free Press said is “part pride and catharsis,” the Free Press is in trouble and it’s going to deliver papers to homes only three days a week. That means I’ll get less attention from readers unless they run all my stories on the delivery days, HINT, HINT, so I guess I AM downtrodden, and I guess the Freepsters ARE downtrodden. They may not stay in a homeless shelter, but they are downtrodden. And if you run this story, you will be kicking them when they are downtrodden.

JOTR: Isn’t that kind of like saying “Detroit is hurting because the newspapers are hurting?” Kind of narcissistic, isn’t it?

PM: You know, Joel, this is why I work at home in my office, in Franklin, because I don’t run across smart-asses like you. The people in Franklin are like me. They’re nice.

JOTR: They’re like you in that they’re rich, too. I just looked up some stats — sports term — stats about Franklin. Population in 2008 was 3,024, projected to be 3,600 in 2035. Hey, that really IS a small place. But growing. That’s good. Let’s see here, according to the Southeastern Michigan Council of Governments, the population of this burg is 95 percent white and 1.7 percent black, with the rest hispanic, Asian or Pacific islander or other. And I see that in Detroit, the town where you write that you are from but where you don’t actually live and work, the population in 2008 was 855,836, projected to decline by 95,434 to 705,128 by 2035. And I see that whites make up 20.7 percent of the population with blacks at 75.3 percent. One-fifth white, three-quarters black. I wonder, Mitch, if it’s fair to say that the city you call “my city,” though it’s not where you live and work, is a mostly-black town, while the village you don’t acknowledge in print as your own, though it’s where you live and work, is almost entirely white? And the city you call “my city,” though you don’t live and work there, is losing huge numbers of residents while the place where you really live is gaining?

PM: And yet we remember when the streets were stuffed, a million people downtown at a parade, as our hockey team was given a royal reception; every car carrying a player was cheered.*

JOTR: Bear with me, Mitch. I’m leading to something here. I see that the median household income in Detroit, your city though you don’t live and work there, was $29,526 in 2000. But in Franklin, where you do work and live, the median income in 2000 was $124,014.

PM: When people ask what kind of sports down Detroit is, I say the best in the nation.*

JOTR: Is it fair to say that people who live in Franklin are rich? Compared to people who actually live in Detroit, I mean. Franklin’s median income is more than four times what it is in Detroit, where you say you are from but where you don’t live or work. Would one of those rich people in Franklin be you?

PM: We have all heard the catch-phrases about Detroit: A city in ruins. A Third World metropolis. A carcass. Last person to leave, turn out the lights. For years, we wore a cloak of defiance. But now that cloak feels wet and heavy. It has been cold here before, but this year seems colder. Skies have grayed before, but this year they’re like charcoal.*

JOTR: Are the skies in Franklin like charcoal?

PM: Week after week, as our business suffocated, as our houses were foreclosed and handed over to the banks, our football team lost — to Jacksonville by 24 points, to Carolina by nine, to Tampa Bay by 18.*

JOTR: Was your house in Franklin foreclosed?

PM: At halftime Sharpe wore that bag over his head and joined his colleagues in loudly suggesting that the NFL take the annual tradition away from the Motor City. “We have kids watching this,” Sharpe said. “And they have to watch the Lions.”

JOTR: Kids read the Free Press, too. Around the time you got in trouble for faking that Free Press story, I don’t think you wore a bag over your head. I heard back then you made a couple hundred thou in salary from the Freep alone, not counting TV, movies, books and so on. What do you rake in per year — a million? More?

PM: And yet… And yet the gods toy with us. They give us the Lions. Our football team puts the less in hopeless.

JOTR: By the end of your column, it seems like you’re defending the entire state of Michigan from bad-mouthers. Isn’t it true, though, that people in, say, St. Joseph and Grand Rapids and Kalamazoo and most places outstate consider Detroit a place they’d rather stay away from? Isn’t it true that even in the suburbs of Detroit, there is plenty of disdain for Motown, even maybe in Franklin where you live and work though you say you are a Detroiter?

PM: And yet…And yet we go on. The Tigers were supposed to win big last season; they finished last in their division…And maybe you ask…”Why don’t you leave?” Maybe because we like it here.*

JOTR: Where? Detroit or Franklin?

PM: Okay, Joel, where do YOU live?

JOTR: Tony Plymouth.

PM: Why Plymouth?

JOTR: Plymouth Township, actually, where the local taxes are less than 3 mills, compared to 34.65 in Detroit, where the schools are managed well and are safe places for kids to learn, like in tony Franklin, where the taxes are less than 9 mills, where the police and fire people come when we need them, which is seldom. I can’t remember the last time we had a murder. When was the last homicide in Franklin? Mugging? You don’t have to lock your car and our elected officials have never gone to jail. A few years ago, voters tosses some corrupt politicians out of office. In Detroit, they re-elected a thug as mayor. Plymouth Township is a peaceful place to write my articles and books. What’s more, by not working in Detroit, I don’t have to pay their city income tax.

Any of that explain why you live in Franklin, Mitch?

PM: And yet it’s our misery to endure.

We interrupt this colloquy in the interest of brevity. Unlike the failing Detroit Free Press, which printed a front page story and jumped it to THREE FULL PAGES OF REAL PAPER NEWSPRINT inside, JOTR does not have enough space for the remainder of our interview with Pseudo-Mitch. Another time, maybe.

* Actual quotations from Mitch’s Sports Illustrated column as seen in the Free Press.

Drop me a line at joelthurtell(at)gmail.com

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Muni ripoffs — same old same old

By Joel Thurtell

I was perplexed this morning, January 9, 2009,  as I read a New York Times story claiming to offer “a rare glimpse into a long-simmering investigation of…wrongdoing throughout the municipal bond business.”

The practice of bond sales people ripping off governments is common, so why is the “glimpse” so rare?

Because journalists mostly are not looking.

If they bothered to see for themselves, rather than let themselves be prodded by investigators, they’d find that the bond scandal is an old one.

That’s what I found 16 years ago when I delved into this fascinating but arcane world with its private argot strewn with obscure words like “zeroes” and “basis points” describing fairly simple things in language you need a special dictionary to comprehend. It’s an industry  with specialized documents that seem encrypted so that people like you and I will have trouble understanding them.

Because most journalists are lay people not indoctrinated into these clubby ways, and because municipal bonds are not well known as the powerful economic motors they are, journalists don’t look closely at this business that accounts for trillions of spending with virtually no accountability and the lightest of pseudo-regulation.

Suddenly, the Times has discovered the shady world of munis.

But only because, as the story says, “three federal agencies and a loose consortium of state attorneys general have been gathering evidence of what appears to be collusion among the banks and other companies that have helped state and local governments take approximately $400 billion worth of municipal notes and bonds to market each year.”

When Authority speaks, it’s Page One news.

Where do I begin?

Collusion is what it was all about when I studied Capital Appreciation Bonds, a particular form of muni being foisted on Michigan school taxpayers in the late 1980s and early 1990s.

Reporters encounter the lingo of munis at election time, when governments propose that voters approve borrowing sums of money to build schools, city halls, fire and police stations, sewers, water works and so forth. Finding someone in local governments who actually understands what voters are endorsing with their “yes” votes is hard. States collect information on bonds and to some extent monitor their issuance, but archiving data is not monitoring. I found people in Michigan’s state government who were aware of the shakiness of these deals, but felt they lacked the power to prevent what amounted to a collossal screw job. Even on those rare occasions when state financial overseers ordered special precautions, the state’s demands were ignored.

In Michigan, there was and probably still is a sort of cartel of school bond issuing, with — in the early 1990s — two bond underwriters sharing nearly all the business; two law firms were also cut into the deals, as was an Ann Arbor financial advising firm. I learned of lavish trips to New York ostensibly paid for by the supposedly independent financial adviser, who introduced school officials to bond rating officials in Manhattan, although those meetings produced nothing of benefit to the schools and the cost of the trips, together with Broadway plays, was eventually billed by the “independent” adviser right back to the schools. See Story 7 for more on junkets, aka bribes.

Because of my Detroit Free Press stories on April 5, 1993, one school superintendent who went on such a junket lost his job. Tip of the iceberg. Also, the state Legislature banned future issues of Capital Appreciation Bonds and ordered that future bond issues be competitively bid rather than rigged through a process the underwriters euphemistically termed “negotiation.”

It was huge that CABs were banned, because as you will read in these stories, schools were piling up enormous debt to be paid by future taxpayers. Imagine the predicament schools would have found themselves in had such debt been allowed to continue accumulating into today’s depressed economy. Debt payback was predicated on rosy assumptions called “present value” that predicted large increases in real estate valuation ad infinitum. Today, we easily perceive the folly of that notion, but in the early 1990s, boundless optimism about the economy engendered a credit card mentality that led to over-borrowing.

The stories were widely read among bankers, bond underwriters and bond attorneys as well as by Michigan school officials. They won the 1994 Michigan Education Association School Bell Award. They had important statewide impact, but they failed to spark a national movement towards regulating the industry.

I decided to post these 16-year-old news stories in hopes of showing that what’s being discovered today about abuses in the municipal bond industry is not new. This story has been with us for a long time, and despite some prosecutions which may or may not occur this time around, the system is likely to keep on with its old clubhouse collusion and profiteering unless really strong steps are taken to stop it cold.

The following Detroit Free Press articles are reprinted with permission from the Free Press.

Contents

1. MICHIGAN SCHOOLS LOAD THE FUTURE WITH DEBT

2. ONE KEY FIGURE HAS TAKEN THE BUSINESS WITH HIM

3. PONTIAC SCHOOLS SUE LAW FIRM OVER ISSUE

4. SUPERINTENDENT IS SATISFIED, BECAUSE THE KIDS WILL PAY

5. ROMULUS USES HEAVY DEBT TO BUY CHANGING TECHNOLOGY

6. FEWER DISTRICTS OPEN UP THEIR BOND SALES TO BIDDING

7. ALLEN PARK BOARD SUSPENDS SCHOOLS CHIEF DURING PROBE

8. MAIN CAB STORY — COMMENTS ON UNCUT VERSION

 

1. Headline: MICHIGAN SCHOOLS LOAD THE FUTURE WITH DEBT

Sub-Head:

Byline:  JOEL THURTELL FREE PRESS STAFF WRITER

Pub-Date: 4/5/1993

Memo:  BUYING NOW, PAYING LATER; SEE CHARTS ON MICROFILM,
PAGES 8A AND 9A

Correction:  CORRECTION RAN APRIL 22, 1993

GETTING IT STRAIGHT

*  A CHART ACCOMPANYING AN APRIL 5 ARTICLE  ABOUT SCHOOL
DISTRICT CONSTRUCTION BONDS SHOULD HAVE SAID CAPITAL
APPRECIATION BONDS ISSUED FOR THE LOWELL SCHOOL DISTRICT IN
1991 BEGIN TO MATURE IN THE YEAR 2003. (This chart had a powerful impact on Michigan schools considering CAB debt. The chart showed every school district in Michigan that issued CABs, along with the amount underwritten including principal and interest. There was hell to pay in districts where interest far outweighed principal, which was most of the time. I have not figured out how to post the chart. — JT)

Text: Buy now, pay later. Pay much later, but pay millions more.
That’s the deal for taxpayers in dozens of Michigan school districts that
are using a heavy-interest form of bonds to stretch out paying  for new
buildings, football fields, swimming pools — even buses and computers that
are likely to be outdated long before the bill for them is paid.

Since such financing was made legal in 1986 by  the Legislature, 82
districts have borrowed $571 million that will require $2 billion to repay —
about 2 1/2 times more interest than conventional bonds would require.

In most cases, districts  won voter approval of the bonds with a pledge
that little or no additional property taxes would be needed to pay them off.

But the payoffs will at least require extending debt- service taxes by 10
or 20 years, and could force tax increases if property values are stagnant or
assessments are held in check by state law.

The schools’ rush for such borrowing has alarmed financial experts who see
a huge balloon of debt settling over Michigan education around the year 2000.

They are warning that some districts are so much, so long in debt that
they will be unable to borrow money to meet future needs. But, they say, the
people who engineered the financial decisions won’t be around to face the next
generation of taxpayers, the ones stuck with the bill for buildings and
equipment that could be  worn out or obsolete.

School officials, however, defend the bonds as one way to meet current
needs in a climate of voter ire over property taxes, the major source of money
for schools. They also  say it is smart to project that a growing tax base
will enable them to meet future debt without a tax increase, and to ask the
next generation of school users to help pay for facilities and equipment.

Asked about the enormous interest, Gary Kemp, assistant superintendent for
finance in the Lowell schools near Grand Rapids, where a $29.8-million bond
issue for a new high school will cost $97 million  by the time it’s paid off
in 2020, said: “I try not to think about it.”

The bonds are known as CABs, short for capital appreciation bonds.

They were authorized in 1986 legislation sponsored  by then-state Rep.
Jerry Bartnik of Temperance, a former teacher who was looking for a way to
help school districts raise money.

Bartnik, currently a member of the state Natural Resources Commission,
said he was misled by the Legislature’s fiscal analysts and others into
thinking CABs were a smart option for borrowing.

Now, he said in a recent interview, it is plain that CABs are just a way
of “pushing all the debt back  . . . and somewhere down the line, you’re going
to pay the bill.”

“It doesn’t lower borrowing costs,” Bartnik said. “It just raises it.”

He said the heavy long-term  debt explains why school districts adamantly
opposed last year’s ballot Proposal C, which would have cut and limited
property taxes without a guarantee that the lost revenue would be replaced.

“They  knew they got all this debt coming,” he said.

A property tax-cut proposal that will go before Michigan voters in a June
2 special election provides a sales tax increase  of 2 cents on the dollar  to
make up money schools would lose.

The Michigan Department of Treasury had initial misgivings about CABs
because of the long-term heavy debt.

“It just didn’t seem fair to me that tomorrow’s  taxpayers should pay more
than their fair share of the tax burden for today’s projects,” Robert Bowman,
state treasurer at the time, said last week.

But Bowman eventually signed off on the first  CAB in 1988 — although he
insisted that the school district involved, Holt in suburban Lansing, begin
setting aside money immediately to meet the looming debt. The order was not
followed and Treasury now gives CABs routine approval with no such
requirement. Other states allow CABs if money to pay them off is being set
aside in the years before they come due.

How CABs work

With a conventional  bond issue, a school district begins paying interest
to bondholders right away. That requires extra income and generally means a
tax increase.

With CABs, the district doesn’t have to pay anything  for several years.
That means no immediate tax increase. But in the long run, taxpayers pay
dearly for the delay because interest piling on top of the principal, making
more and more interest due.

To understand the appeal and risk of CABs, imagine you are about to buy a
new house and are offered two methods of financing it.

One is a typical mortgage with equal payments each month for 30  years. At
first, you pay mostly interest and little toward the principal of the loan.

Over the years, that ratio changes until your last payment is virtually all
principal.

You consider your income  and worry that the payments initially will be
too high for you to handle.

So you get a second option: Move in now. Enjoy the house. No payments are
due on your loan for 10 years, and when they come  due, you will have 20 years
to pay it off. In the meantime, interest keeps piling up on the principal.

When you must begin paying, your debt is larger, and so are your payments.

You have figured,  though, that your income will probably rise enough in the
meantime for you to handle it.

Of course, you’d also have a huge encumbrance on the house. No such home
mortgages are offered.

The big  difference between this hypothetical and school CABs is that the
home buyer has a clear understanding of what’s involved.

School district voters may not, and the architects of a CAB deal may not
be around to cope with the consequences, such as:

* Livonia schools borrowed $7.4 million in one CAB deal that will cost $25.3
million in interest, or 342 percent of the loan amount.

* Brighton schools  borrowed $23 million for two new schools, a child
development center and remodeling projects; the interest will be $64 million,
or 278 percent of the loan.

* The Romulus schools used $6.2 million in  CABs to help equip classrooms with
computers. After 30 years, Romulus taxpayers will have repaid the $6.2 million
plus $35.8 million in interest, or 575 percent of the loan amount.

“By using that  approach, we were able to do it without raising our tax
rate,” said Romulus Superintendent Bill Bedell. “If you had a choice, I think
a regular bond issue would be much preferable, but we would have  had to jack
up our millage 2 or 3 mills and people on the front end would have had to pay
for it faster than people later on.”

But John Axe, a Detroit bond attorney and financial consultant who
refuses to get involved in CAB deals, asks: “Would you buy a house like this?

“Of course not — it’s not a sound way of doing it. I might never be able
to pay for it.Who would buy it with an overhead debt several times the sale
price?

“These CABs are only five years old,” Axe  said. “By the time the trouble
comes, the board members and administrators who did this will be gone and the
poor taxpayers  are stuck with the bill.”

Michael Forrester, an analyst with the New York credit- rating agency
Standard & Poor’s, warned against CABs in a December 1990 article in
Creditweek magazine, under the headline, “Michigan schools’ hidden debt
burden.”

“To many taxpayers, the promise of new school facilities for their
children, coupled with a pledge of ‘no new taxes,’ appears irresistible,” he
said.  Because interest on the bonds continues to accrue, the true debt
burden is understated “and could leave a district and its taxpayers vulnerable
to unpredictable economic and financial conditions,”  he said.

The bonds “may entice a district to issue more debt or undertake more
extensive projects than it might otherwise contemplate,” wrote Forrester. “The
steadily increasing debt burden could  limit the district’s future debt
capacity and thereby restrict its ability to address future capital needs.”

In a newsletter last year for Michigan school business officials, Charles
Kishpaugh,  an analyst with Moody’s Investor Service, another major
credit-rating service, wrote that because CABs “saddle future taxpayers with
the obligation of paying for facilities used today.  . . .  When  the CABs
become due in 20 years, will residents be willing to begin substantial
repayment for an older, possibly obsolete facility?”

Richard Allen, a bond salesman for Kemper Securities and a former  analyst
for the Michigan Department of Treasury, has been involved in 90 percent of
the school CAB deals in Michigan.

In an interview, he said the higher cost of CABs is offset by the
declining  value of money due to inflation over the life of the bonds.
Inflation hit double digits some years during the 1970s, but slowed to a
crawl during the 1980s and was only 2.9 percent last year.

Still, Allen was able to use the argument to convince state Treasury
analysts reviewing a Pontiac CAB that $27 million of additional interest would
really cost taxpayers only $102,000 in future dollars.

He said CABs keep tax rates down, and that  taxpayers actually save more
money than they will owe when the CABs come due, if they invest the savings in
interest-bearing accounts.

The state Treasury  accepts that premise. But Linda Rairigh, a senior
Treasury analyst, acknowledged in a recent deposition for a lawsuit over the
Pontiac CABs that she was aware the savings really don’t exist.

“We  know those figures are not realistic,” she said.

A bad beginning

Allen, whose job with the state was to analyze bond issues for the
Michigan Municipal Finance Commission, was by 1986 selling bonds  for the firm
of Prescott, Ball & Turben when the CAB law sailed through the Legislature.

He said he is hazy about his role in the process.  “We may have had some
input.”

But in a June 1991  interview with the Bond Buyer industry newspaper,
Allen described himself and the Prescott, Ball firm as “instrumental in
getting the legislation passed.”

He also said he was “instrumental in taking  this over to the education
area.”

By 1988, Allen was a senior vice president with the underwriting firm of
Tucker Anthony, R.L. Day. He also was vice president of the school board in
Holt, and chairman  of its finance committee when Holt issued the first CABs
in Michigan.

Although the Tucker, Anthony firm was involved, Allen said he stayed clear
of the Holt deal because of his position on the school  board.

But Bowman, state treasurer at the time, and Ronald VanErmen, the
district’s business manager, recalled Allen being very involved. VanErmen, in
fact, recently deferred questions about the  bonds to Allen, saying, “the guy
who handled that for us is the guy to talk to.”

“Rich Allen knew the intricacies of that thing. I wasn’t involved, only to
the point where I was observing it. Rich handled the deal, and he’s really
knowledgeable  . . .

“As school administrators, we don’t know that much about bonding,” said
VanErmen. “That’s why we rely on somebody like Rich Allen.”

Bowman  said he “spent a great deal of time with Rich Allen and the school
district and everybody else. We thought whatever we did at Holt could be
precedent-setting.”

When the Holt board approved the Tucker,  Anthony plan, Allen abstained
from voting. Three months later, just before the bonds were issued, Allen made
a formal “declaration of interest,” stating that, due to his employment, he
might indirectly  benefit from the deal.

Records show Allen’s firm made about $150,000 in service fees on the Holt
CABs. In an interview with the Free Press, Allen insisted there always was a
“Chinese wall” between  him and the transaction.

“Personally,” he added, “I get nothing off these deals. I get a salary.”

At the Department of Treasury, analyst Anton Presecan — a former Allen
colleague — gave the  Holt issue careful scrutiny, aware of its
precedent-setting nature.

In memos, Presecan said the CABs, intended to refinance about $5 million
in debt for buildings opened in 1967, would cost Holt  taxpayers an extra
$14.3 million and extend debt service payments from 1997 out to 2016.

“The staff has serious reservations concerning the propriety of stretching
out of debt incurred by past or current taxpayers to a future generation of
taxpayers,” Presecan wrote. “Buildings financed with a 1967 bond issue will be
almost 50 years old before these refunding bonds are paid off, assuming the
buildings still have utility.”

Presecan suggested Holt set up an account known as a sinking fund, where
anticipated increases in state aid could be banked with interest, then used to
repay the bonds  early, saving millions of dollars.

Treasury approved the Holt bond issue, with the provision that Holt set up
such a fund. Bowman said it would be “a way to ensure that today’s taxpayer’s
pay for  today’s benefits.”

But Holt schools never did it.

“I’ve never heard of this,” VanErmen said when shown a copy of the order.
“That’s a shocker,” said Allen.

One of Holt’s bond attorneys,  Thomas Nordberg of Thrun, Maatsch and
Nordberg, said the order was so vaguely worded that it was meaningless.

A similar order was issued a few months later when the Upper Peninsula’s
Munising School  District issued CABs.

Munising Superintendent Steve Cromell said this month that he knew nothing
about it.

Bowman, now chief financial officer for IT&T in New York, said the state
has “no choice  but to go back and enforce” such orders, “maybe not
retroactively, but progressively.”  Treasury officials said they were unsure
how that could could  be done.

Louis Schimmel, director of the Municipal  Advisory Council and a CAB
critic, said other states require sinking funds and Michigan should, too. He
also said no further CABs should be permitted.

“You can’t make it retroactive and make all  those bonds go in default —
that would be insane,” Schimmel said. “But I am proposing that we stop it
right now.”

Big business for bonds

In the early and mid-1980s, the bond debt of public schools in Michigan
was steady or declining. In 1985, school districts sold 11 issues worth a
total of $154 million.

Last year, (1992) Michigan schools sold more than $1.3 billion worth of bonds,
including CABs,  in 205 deals. The bond activity has increased in part because
of lower interest rates, and in part because CABs make bonds easier to sell to
voters, with the “no new taxes” pledge.

Government bonds  are a powerful motor driving the national economy,
financing the construction of roads, schools, sewers, town halls, airports and
other public facilities.

Bonds, thus, are a very big business. State  and local bond debt has been
estimated at more than $1 trillion — outweighing the $322 billion federal
deficit — by Donald Axelrod, an economics professor at the State University
of New York, Albany,  and author of a book on public financing.

But bonds, with an arcane terminology all their own, are little understood
and barely regulated. Underwriters buy them wholesale and sell them at retail
to institutional or individual investors. The risk to investors is low when
bonds are government-backed, and the return can be substantial.

So can the underwriter’s profits. For example, the underwriters  on a
$2.4-million CAB deal for the Rockford schools made $496,000, records show.
The Securities and Exchange Commission does not oversee bond markets,
leaving them to nominal self-policing through the National Association of
Securities Dealers.

In Michigan, only the Department of Treasury has any watchdog role on
behalf of taxpayers, but does nothing to monitor bonds beyond reviewing and
approving proposed sales.

Treasury analyst Rairigh said it is not the state’s role to second-guess
local voters who approve the bonds.

“If local taxpayers don’t like it, they can recall the board,” she said.
A Free Press review of Treasury’s CAB files found that some underwriters
persuaded Treasury to approve a bond deal, then issued bonds that were very
different.

For example,  in a 1991 Lowell deal, Kemper’s Allen filed a spreadsheet
telling Treasury that $16 million in CABs would be issued, with payments due
beginning in 1997, and interest totaling $57 million.  Records show  the
actual sale was for $19.2 million, with payments due beginning in 2003.

Adding $3.2 million to the principal and delaying the pay- back by five
years increased interest on the bonds by $25 million.

In her sworn deposition for the Pontiac suit, Treasury’s Rairigh said the
Municipal Finance Division simply accepts underwriters’ spreadsheets without
running its own checks on them.

She said  the state lacks the computers and work force to do independent
analyses.

Rairigh said she has asked her superiors for guidelines on approving CABs
with large interest costs, but to date there are no criteria for accepting or
rejecting proposals for bond refunds which cost taxpayers more than the
original issues.

Ralph Clark Chandler, a professor of politics and law at Western Michigan
University,  had no idea he would spawn a $2 billion balloon in 1986 when he
suggested Jerry Bartnik take a look at bonds.

Bartnik,  legislator at the time, was taking a graduate course from
Chandler and the  two discussed what Bartnik might be able to do to help
schools raise money.

“We tend to look at bonds as instrumentalities of governments, and what
can be bad about bonds? There is a lot of naivete  about that.  . . .  Your
average bear in this state would have no idea we’re talking about such a big
business,” Chandler said.

“It appears to me that the idea of CABs could work in an expanding
economy. If you’re in the Southwest, for example. But if you’re in the
Midwest, particularly in Michigan where the economy is at least cyclical and
at most depressed, then that’s not really a very good  way to go.”

Bartnik said he’s disappointed to learn his class project has turned sour.
“It’s a tool,” he said, “but it’s not being used prudently.”

And of the school boards, administrators  and underwriters who ventured
into CABs, “let’s be honest,” he said. “In 20 or 30 years, there isn’t one
person who’s still going to be there.”

*  The financial community  has grown alarmed about the debt awaiting the next
generation of Michigan taxpayers. Analysts predict some school  districts
saddled with heavy-interest, delayed-payment bonds — known as  CABs —
will be hard- pressed to borrow money for future needs.

*  In one case, Romulus schools  eventually  will  pay $35.8 million in
interest on a $6.2-million loan.

* Despite state orders, districts  are setting aside  no money to meet the
debt.

TOTAL SCHOOL DEBT
(In billions of dollars)

In the early and mid-1980s, the bond debt of public schools in Michigan was
steady  or declining. Debt has risen dramatically since 1988, when districts
began financing projects with high- interest capital appreciation bonds.

1982:  2.19
1983:  2.09
1984:  2.08
1985:  2.06
1986:  2.03
1987:  2.12
1988:  2.25
1989:  2.61
1990:  2.98
1991:  3.61
1992:  4.15

SOURCE:  Municipal Advisory Council of Michigan

A MATTER OF INTEREST (Sorry, I’m not able to reproduce this table — JT)

At left is a list  of Michigan school districts that have issued capital
appreciation bonds with the length of the loan, the dollar  amount of interest
and interest as a percentage of principal.
If you borrowed $100,000  to buy a house, using a conventional mortgage at
7 percent interest, the proportion of interest to principal would vary based
on the length of the loan. Here’s how interest as a percentage of principal
would look over different time periods:

Mortgage years  Interest as percentage of principal
15 years    62 percent
20 years    86 percent
25 years    112 percent
30  years   139 percent

Caption:

:
Fifth-grader Marlos Butler, 12, works at a computer in a
Romulus school.

Illustration:  PHOTO COLOR DANIEL LIPPITT; CHART HANK SZERLAG

Edition: METRO FINAL

Section:  NWS

Page: 1A

Keywords: ; MICHIGAN;  EDUCATION;  FINANCE;  REFORM;  LEGISLATION;  CHANGE; ; PROPOSAL;  MAJOR STORY

Disclaimer:

2. Headline: ONE KEY FIGURE HAS TAKEN THE BUSINESS WITH HIM

Sub-Head:

Byline:  JOEL THURTELL FREE PRESS STAFF WRITER

Pub-Date: 4/5/1993

Memo:  ; BUYING NOW, PAYING LATER

Correction:

Text: Wherever Richard Allen goes,  so does the bond business.

When Allen sold bonds for underwriters Tucker, Anthony, R.L. Day in
1988-89, the firm bought most of the capital appreciation bonds  issued by
Michigan schools.

When Allen switched to St. Louis-based A.G. Edwards in 1989,  his old
firm dropped off the list of top CAB underwriters. Edwards jumped into first
place.

Allen  decamped in 1990 for a job with Chicago-based Kemper Securities
Group.  Edwards now is in second place behind Kemper.
Allen, 50, is in charge of Kemper’s Lansing office.

Kemper has “gone out  and hustled to help a lot of small school districts
and towns borrow the money they need to afford their capital projects,” Kemper
public relations officer David Waymire said.

Allen, who has done  that hustling,  is a genial man who uses financial
jargon the way others talk about sport statistics.

“I graduated with a little over a two-point grade average,” said Allen.
“If you want to call  me a whiz kid, I’ll be happy to take it.”

He has worked for the state, as a financial consultant and ran his own
business.

Allen was a promoter of the bill that made CABs legal in Michigan in
1986.

He was vice president of the Holt school board when it picked his firm
to underwrite a 1988 bond deal, including $4.8 million of CABs. His firm got
the deal without having to submit to a  competitive bidding process.

It was the first CAB deal in Michigan, and according to then-state
Treasurer Robert Bowman, it set a precedent for similar deals.

Since Holt, Allen has dominated  the state’s school CAB issues. His
firms have been involved in 90 percent of the deals, according to Securities
Data Co., a securities tracking firm.

“I’ll take the praise or the blame, whatever  you want to do,” Allen
said.

Caption:

Illustration:

Edition: METRO FINAL

Section:  NWS

Page: 9A

Keywords: ; SCHOOL;  FINANCE

Disclaimer:

3. Headline: PONTIAC SCHOOLS SUE LAW FIRM OVER ISSUE

Sub-Head:

Byline:  JOEL THURTELL FREE PRESS STAFF WRITER

Pub-Date: 4/5/1993

Memo:  ; BUYING NOW, BUT PAYING LATER

Correction:

Text: In the very competitive, but very staid, world of bond sales, the Pontiac
School District has done the unthinkable — dragged its own law firm into
court, charging legal malpractice in a $54-million  bond deal.

In a lawsuit, the district accuses Detroit’s prestigious Miller, Canfield,
Paddock and Stone of botching the language of a Feb. 5, 1991, ballot proposal
in which voters authorized the bond sale.

Dennis Pollard, the district’s attorney, said in the lawsuit that the
proposal failed to mention that part of the bond sale proceeds were needed for
a new school bus garage; as a result,  the money can’t be used for a garage
and the present one is sinking into a swamp.

Miller, Canfield claims that school officials never told George Stevenson,
the lawyer handling the bonds, about  plans for the new garage.

Pontiac claims, too, that Stevenson  did not disclose that the law firm
was working for the bond underwriter, Kemper Securities, and the Michigan
Municipal Bond Authority,  which had a hand in marketing the bonds.

Richard Barch, a financial adviser active in Michigan bond sales, said it
is not unusual for one law firm to handle different ends of a deal,
representing  both the government agency selling the bonds and the
underwriting firm, which buys them wholesale and sells them retail.

“I don’t think it’s that much of a conflict, although it may have the
appearance  of it,” Barch said. “It’s sort of a friendly marriage. It’s not
like a divorce.”

The dominant law firm for school bond sales in Michigan, Thrun, Maatsch
and Nordberg of Lansing, has worked for  school districts and underwriters at
the same time on 41 CAB deals. Miller, Canfield has done 11 dual CAB
representations. All of the Miller, Canfield deals and all but seven of the
Thrun deals involved  Richard Allen’s firms as underwriter.

In a deposition for the Pontiac suit, Miller, Canfield attorney Stevenson
said the bond purchase agreement, “of any of the aspects of underwriter’s
counsel  work, would be the one where there is a potential for conflict.”

“The underwriter wants to make a deal, and in their pricing they’re going
to want to do it so they can sell the bonds as efficiently  as possible,”
Stevenson said. “That may or may not be in the best interests of the issuer.”

Caption:

Illustration:

Edition: METRO FINAL

Section:  NWS

Page: 9A

Keywords: ; SCHOOL;  PONTIAC;  FINANCE

Disclaimer:

4. Headline: SUPERINTENDENT IS SATISFIED, BECAUSE THE KIDS WILL PAY

Sub-Head:

Byline:  JOEL THURTELL FREE PRESS STAFF WRITER

Pub-Date: 4/5/1993

Memo:  ; BUYING NOW, BUT PAYING LATER

Correction:

Text: Coloma schools Superintendent Clifford Tallman had no qualms about
saddling future taxpayers in his southwestern Michigan district with big debt
for a new gym.

A 1991 ballot proposal that  had failed five times passed easily when
school officials assured voters their children would foot the bill and tax
rates would rise by only 1 mill.

“I told senior citizens that this would be paid  off by the students who
are using it,” Tallman said.

Coloma’s new gym cost $4.8 million, with $2.04 million coming from CABs
and the rest from conventional bonds.

Interest on the CABs will amount  to about $6.97 million over 29 years.
Traditional bonds would have cost about $2 million in interest.

“If we went traditional, it would have cost us 4 mills, plus or minus,”
Tallman said.

“It  is more expensive in the long run to do it this way,” acknowledged
Tallman. “But if you paid cash for your car, it would be cheaper than
financing it over five years.”

To keep the rate at the 1-mill  level promised to voters, Coloma’s tax
base must increase in value between  three and seven percent a year for 30
years.

“Property is going up just because of the prime location in relation to
Chicago,” Tallman said. “Consequently, we do have a sound tax base.”

Former Farmington school board member and retired National Bank of Detroit
bond expert Richard Wallace disagrees.

“Who  knows what our economy is going to be like 15 or 20 years from now?”
he said. “You cannot predict . . . inflation any more than you can predict
what the stock market will be in 10 years.”

But Tallman  stands by the financing for the gym:  “The students who are
using it will be the major payers on this one,” he said. And for now, “they
are getting the benefit of it.”

Caption:

Illustration:

Edition: METRO FINAL

Section:  NWS

Page: 9A

Keywords: ; SCHOOL;  FINANCE

Disclaimer:

5. Headline: ROMULUS USES HEAVY DEBT TO BUY CHANGING TECHNOLOGY

Sub-Head:

Byline:  JOEL THURTELL FREE PRESS STAFF WRITER

Pub-Date: 4/5/1993

Memo:  ; BUYING NOW, BUT PAYING LATER

Correction:

Text: The Romulus schools have installed $23 million worth of Macintosh
computers and other electronic gear in an expensive wager that high-tech
teaching will pay off with better learning.

The computers,  expected to be obsolete in 5-10 years, were bought with
money from high-interest capital appreciation bonds. Romulus has issued $28
million in CABs as part of a $35- million bond issue authorized by voters  in
a Nov. 6, 1990, election. No payments are due on the CABs until 1998.

The interest on them will total $89.5 million — three times their value
— by the time the CABs are paid off in 2017.

But Superintendent Bill Bedell said Romulus would not have the classroom
computers today if not for CABs, which enabled the district to sell bonds by
renewing a 3.5-mill debt levy, not by raising  taxes — “a hell of a selling
point with the people.”

A conventional bond issue would have required a three- or four-mill tax
increase, Bedell said.

He said he knows the computers will be  obsolete, but “40 percent of our
ninth-graders are flunking math. It appears to us the only way to keep pace is
to use artificial intelligence, and we figure those computers will be key.”

As part  of its CAB repayment plan, the district figures property values
will grow enough for the 3.5-mill levy to remain adequate for debt service.
Farmington school board trustee and retired bond dealer Richard  Wallace
criticizes the practice of loading heavy debt on future taxpayers for items
that will be obsolete before they’re paid off.

“I believe that when you’re building a capital project — bricks  and
mortar, schools and libraries — it should be paid for approximately over the
useful life of the project,” said Wallace. “You don’t want to finance school
buses over 30 years, because they’re worn  out in half a dozen years.”

Caption:

:
Second-grader Renee Walker, 8, counts the old-fashioned way at
Wick Elementary School in Romulus recently.

Illustration:  PHOTO DANIEL LIPPITT

Edition: METRO FINAL

Section:  NWS

Page: 9A

Keywords: ; SCHOOL;  FINANCE;  ROMULUS

Disclaimer:

6. Headline: FEWER DISTRICTS OPEN UP THEIR BOND SALES TO BIDDING

Sub-Head:

Byline:  JOEL THURTELL FREE PRESS STAFF WRITER

Pub-Date: 4/5/1993

Memo:  ; BUYING NOW, BUT PAYING LATER ;  SEE CHART IN MICROFILM

Correction:

Text: Since capital appreciation bonds were authorized in Michigan in 1986, a
majority of school bond sales, including all the CABs, have been negotiated
with one underwriter rather than put out to competitive  bids.

Underwriters, who buy bonds wholesale and sell them retail, say deals
mixing delay-pay CABs with conventional bonds and spread over 20-30 years are
too complex to sell at auction. They say  negotiating also gives them more
flexibility to pounce on favorable market conditions, benefiting sellers and
investors.

But critics say negotiated deals end up costing more, with most of that
money  profiting underwriters.

“Many of us in the investment business don’t think that the size of these
issues is so horrendous they have to be negotiated,” Louis Schimmel, director
of the Municipal Advisory Council of Michigan,  told the Bond Buyer, the
industry newspaper.

Local governments “might just be surprised at what the interest rates are
compared to a negotiated basis,” Schimmel said.

The River Rouge School District was surprised recently when it saved $1
million in interest on a $47-million conventional bond issue by rejecting a
pitch from Kemper Securities, leading CAB underwriter  in Michigan, to be sole
underwriter on a negotiated deal.

The salesman was none other than Philip Runkel, the former state school
superintendent who is now employed by Kemper.

“It seemed like  the more we got into it, the more the proceeds would be
eaten up by these various fees in a negotiated deal,” said  River Rouge
business official Brian Jones. “We didn’t see how we could justify the  extra
fees.”

The district opted for bids that were unsealed two weeks ago. The New
York firm of Goldman, Sachs was the lowest, bidding $1 million less in
interest than Kemper, which submitted a  bid that was fourth-lowest.

Detroit bond attorney John Axe said underwriters have brainwashed
Michigan school officials into believing they can’t take competitive bids to
sell CABs or bonds to  refund old debt, which is done in other states.

In 1991, $225.6 million of CABs were sold competitively in other states;
in 1992, $484.4 million, according to Securities Data Co., a securities
tracking firm.

One bond attorney, George Stevenson of the Detroit firm of Miller,
Canfield, Paddock & Stone, said in a recent deposition that underwriters
prefer negotiated sales because “they have much assurance that they have a
deal.”

“They have an advantage in pricing that they don’t have in a competitive
transaction,” he added.

In an April 1991 column, Bond Buyer editor Joe Mysak called the rising
tide of negotiated bond deals “a perversion.”

“More than three-quarters of the market should not be going negotiated,”
he wrote. “The municipal market needs less politics. It needs  more smart
issuers. And it needs closer scrutiny of deals that are negotiated.”

Caption:

Illustration:  CHART

Edition: METRO FINAL

Section:  NWS

Page: 9A

Keywords: ; SCHOOL;  FINANCE

Disclaimer:

7. Headline: ALLEN PARK BOARD SUSPENDS SCHOOLS CHIEF DURING PROBE

Sub-Head:

Byline:  JOEL THURTELL FREE PRESS STAFF WRITER

Pub-Date: 4/12/1993

Memo:

Correction:

Text: Allen Park’s school board has suspended Superintendent Michael Ferguson
with pay while it investigates claims that he sexually harassed coworkers
and spent nearly $8,000 on a 1991 trip to New  York that may have been
unnecessary.

Attorneys Dennis Pollard and Dennis Miller, whom the board hired to look
into the allegations after it suspended Ferguson last month, expect to report
to the  board this month. Ferguson could not be reached for comment.

Pollard, who is investigating the harassment complaints, would not reveal
details, but said they were made by two of Ferguson’s coworkers.
Miller is investigating the New York trip. He said Allen Park schools
paid $2,010 for three first-class airline tickets for Ferguson, then-board
member Jim LaBrecque and Richard Barch, the board’s  financial adviser. The
three stayed two nights at the Waldorf-Astoria hotel, which billed them
$3,957. Miller said the school officials spent $547 on meals, $195 on taxicabs
and $36 on tips.

Barch  said he took Ferguson and LaBrecque on the trip to lobby
credit-rating agencies in hopes of getting the district a better rating for
its new $7-million bond issue.

The bonds were guaranteed by the  state and automatically received the
state’s credit rating issued by Standard & Poor’s and Moody’s, said Louis
Schimmel Jr., director of the Municipal Advisory Council of Michigan.

Rating trips  are not unusual for many school officials in districts where
voters have approved bond proposals. Barch, whose Ann Arbor-based Stauder,
Barch & Associates is the leading municipal financial consulting  firm for
Michigan schools, said he takes about 20 percent of his clients on similar
trips to New York. He said no other trip ever has been questioned.

But a bond attorney said if bonds are being  guaranteed by the state or are
being insured,  there is no need to visit a rating agency.  “That was a total
waste of time and whatever money they spent,”  said bond attorney John Axe.

Bond ratings influence the interest rates charged on the bond issue and
suggest how risky the bonds are.

Asked to explain the expenses, Barch said, “I always stay in the Waldorf.”

Miller said $1,000 of  the bill is unaccounted for.

“There was a thousand for theater and stuff like that,” Barch said. “I
know we went out to a couple of nightclubs — normal things that people from
out of town would  do. You don’t want to sit around in a hotel room.”

To school officials, “it’s a big thing,” said Barch. “To me, it’s
something I need to do to explain the credit rating.”

Barch said he picked  up the tab and later billed the school district.
The board had authorized $16,000 for financial adviser’s fees, but Barch
added the $7,745 cost of the trip to his fee and billed the district $23,745,
Miller said.

“The trip was alleged to be related to a meeting with Standard & Poor’s and
Moody’s, but there is no documentation of that,” Miller said.

Miller said he’s investigating whether the  trip was necessary. “I was
under the understanding that if your bonds were qualified by the state, you
would get the state’s double A-minus credit rating anyway, so why bother?”

Barch said Allen  Park officials needed to visit Standard & Poor’s and
Moody’s because “Wayne County is always a harder sell than say, Kent County,
and you want to put your best foot forward.”

The trip did not result  in a change in the bond rating.

Allen Park school board member Edwin Frosheiser said: “I’m not saying they
shouldn’t go to New York and shouldn’t stay in a hotel.  It seems to us that
it’s excessive,  that’s all.”

Caption:

Illustration:

Edition: METRO FINAL

Section:  NWS

Page: 4B

Keywords: ; SEX;  HARASSMENT;  SUPERINTENDENT;  ALLEN PARK;  CHARGE

Disclaimer:

8. MAIN CAB STORY — COMMENTS ON UNCUT VERSION

The CAB story was very long, and I was aware soon after it ran on April 5, 1993 that some essential parts had been cut. I’ve found the original, uncut version. It is VERY long, and far more detailed than the version that appeared in the Free Press. I would post it on JOTR, but for one thing. It exists in hard copy form only, in a faded dot matrix printout. If I had time, I’d re-type it. But I don’t have time. I’m going to explore digitizing it.

The uncut version of CAB contains more detail about collusion — the you-scratch-my-back, I’ll-scratch-yours world of bond sales involving underwriters, bond attorneys, so-called independent financial advisers and the sometimes overly compliant school officials who were their customers and supposedly sworn to safeguard the public trust.

As I say, I’m exploring ways to post the uncut version of CAB.

Posted in CAB scams, Muni bonds | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Diary of Queen Caroline 2.0

Oh, Dear Diary,

Those canaille are at it again, you know, those gosh-darn newspapers, ripping into me as if I were some lowly, like, public servant.

All because I didn’t, like, fill out a silly form.

You know, the one about where my money, you know, comes from.

Like, as if anyone, you know, has to ask where a Kennedy gets her money!

We’re rich!

So there!

‘Nuff said, like.

Do they think a Kennedy has to grovel for money, like, you know, Hilary or Bill Clinton?

Okay, so I like worked for the schools and they’re public and everyone else filled out these, you know, silly disclosure forms.

Fine for them!

But I’m not them, like.

They’re different.

They are public servants. SERVANTS! I am not a servant. They paid me, sort of, a dollar a year. I didn’t like need the money. They needed me. They needed my name. I’m a Kennedy!

Okay, dear diary, might as well, like, out with it: America has no royalty.

That’s why they need us Kennedys. We are their kings and queens and princes and princesses.

I myself am a princess, if they only knew.

Like, other people need salaries and Social Security.

Do I need Social Security?

No way!

I’m filthy rich.

I don’t fill out their like stinking forms!

As if a Kennedy has to like tell anyone how she gets her money.

I mean, I’m not some, you know, lowlife.

Hilary discloses. I dispose.

Drop me a line at joelthurtell(at)gmail.com

Posted in Queen Caroline's Diary | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Another Free Press first: Lay off

By Joel Thurtell

Lookit what came in my email today — a memo, ostensibly from Detroit Free Press Editor Paul Anger — notifying the staff of a staff position that’s been erased.

Which means, if this note is not a fabrication, that a human being has just lost a job.

Who will be next?

I started on November 12, 1984 and left with a buyout on November 30, 2007 (with a two-year-plus hiatus on strike in 1995-97) and I recall buyouts, reduction by attrition, lockouts and, following the purchase in 2005 by Gannett, firings for various bullshit reasons.

I don’t recall a lay off.

Until now.

Here’s the memo someone sent me:

Reductions to the Yak

Name: Paul Anger

Published on: January 5, 2009 05:35 PM

Yak’s Corner, most recently a half-page in the Wednesday Sports sections, will cease publication with its last issue on Jan. 21. Because of this, the part-time position of Yak assistant editor is being eliminated.

We will continue to maintain the Yak Web site and provide design help for the weekly NIE publication that goes to Detroit elementary schools.

— Paul Anger, Laura Varon Brown

Posted in future of newspapers | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

“Han shot first,” and all that

By Joel Thurtell

Some blaster-totin’ goon’s got the drop on you, threatening to blow your brains out on the spot. No help in sight. Your back is to the wall.

What do you do?

Well, if you’re Han Solo, with the smarmy bounty hunter Greedo aiming his sidearm at you, your first thought is to distract him with some left-handed wall-tapping while your right hand, invisible to Greedo under the table, slowly twists your blaster until it has a bead on the bounty hunter.

The rest is cinematic history: you drill the bastard, of course.

On your way out, you casually tip the bartender and apologize for the mess.

I hadn’t watched “Star Wars” in ages. Knew we had VHS tape copies in the house, but couldn’t find them. Looked high and low. Nothing for it but to head for Blockbuster and rent the movie.

Not as easy as it sounds. First conundrum — which movie? Turns out the one we watched in 1977, the first episode, now is Episode IV. Fork over the money, head home, stuff it into the machine.

DVD, not videotape. Same difference, right?

Hey, this is great. Princess Leia in all her nobility, the young Luke Skywalker, the heavy-breathing Darth Vader, delightful R2D2, sage Old Ben, repulsive Jabba the Hut, and then we’re in the cantina and this weird creature Greedo is promising good ol’ Han he’ll fry him.

I’m ready for this. I love it when Greedo gets his just deserts.

Left hand tapping on wall, watch that right hand, slowly, stealthily, trigger finger moving…

But wait, what’s this? Something about this scene is wrong.

Did Greedo get off a shot? That’s not right!

My son Abe explained why my confusion was justified. Seems George Lucas took the opportunity to be creative when the first “Star Wars” film was put on DVD. Using digital wizardry, he had the scene changed.

He’d decided to put a white hat on Han. Real heroes don’t kill people — even bad guys — in cold blood. If Han shot first, as indeed he did in the 1977 film version, it made Han a cold-blooded killer. According to Wikipedia, the 1977 version, with Han shooting Greedo first, made Han a “morally ambiguous” character whose turnaround late in the movie was all the more significant, dramatically. But Lucas was afraid Han’s bad behavior was a poor example for kids, so he changed it. He had Greedo take the first shot, but missing. Wherewith Han put him down.

There was an uproar about that among “Star Wars” aficionados, so Lucas changed the scene again to what I saw — Greedo and Han shooting at the same time. It still waters down the moral ambiguity and is unfaithful to the historic film. I don’t like it.

But I understand Lucas’ moral dilemma. It’s a throwback to the 1950s and 1960s, when we had a surfeit of cowboy and frontier TV shows that depicted a clear ethic — the good guy shoots last. In a classic high noon showdown, the good guy must wait for the bad guy to un-holster his gun. At that precise moment, the good guy is licensed to blow the bad guy away, but not before.

It’s a morality straight out of knight-errantry, with chivalrous assailants giving each other a noble hand because they’re all good guys, all wearing white scarves.

Ridiculous, but that’s where Lucas is coming from.

He should relax. Han did just fine.

No telling what laws — if any — were in use on that desert planet where Han sent Greedo to his maker.

In many states in the U.S., Han’s killing of Greedo would have been considered justifiable homicide.

I doubt a prosecutor would have charged him. (Hope he had a permit for that blaster!) Had he been charged, his attorneys would have had an excellent argument for self-defense.

According to Wikipedia, in many states, “a person may use physical force to prevent imminent physical injury, however a person may not use deadly physical force unless that person is in reasonable fear of serious physical injury or death”.

There was no way Han could escape. Greedo was aiming his blaster at him all the time and threatening to kill him. Han was therefore justifiably in fear for his life. Lacking a way of escaping, his only means of preserving his life was to kill Greedo. Which he did, quite satisfactorily.

In Florida and Louisiana, Han would have been absolved of any pretense of retreat. The U.S. Supreme Court has upheld that right to kill someone who’s trying to kill you, even in a public place and not in your home. So Han had the right to stand his ground when Greedo threatened him with a blaster.

Again according to Wikipedia, ” ‘Stand your ground’ governs U.S. federal case law in which self-defense is asserted against a charge of criminal homicide. The Supreme Court ruled in Beard v. U.S. (1895) that a man who was ‘where he had the right to be’ when he came under attack and ‘…did not provoke the assault, and had at the time reasonable grounds to believe, and in good faith believed, that the deceased intended to take his life, or do him great bodily harm…was not obliged to retreat, nor to consider whether he could safely retreat, but was entitled to stand his ground.”

Han did not provoke Greedo. Greedo provoked Han by promising, blaster drawn and leveled at Han, to dispatch our hero to his Maker. Instead, Han rid the galaxy of a real slime ball.

Next time George Lucas tampers with “Star Wars,” I hope he’ll understand that Han Solo not only saved his own life, but was correct to do so. He needs to fix the film again by putting it back to its original form.

It’s only logical. Because if you’re catering to some “turn-the-other-cheek” ethic, there’s only one way the Greedo-Han confrontation can end. Han waits for Greedo to shoot and gets blown away. Forget morality — that just does not work in cinema.

Think of where that leaves the film: Han lets Greedo kill him. Okay, by movie’s end, where’s the unambiguous hero who’s gonna save the day when Luke Skywalker is simultaneously attacking the Death Star while Darth Vader, piloting one of those evil black fighters, bears down from behind with photon torpedoes blazing?

Drop me a line at joelthurtell(at)gmail.com

.

Obi Wan Knobe, the sand runts or whatever they call them. I’m really getting into this when Hits the tavern and the bounty hunter, Greedo starts making dire threats, aiming his blaster at Han.

I’m waiting for this great scene where Han, back to the wall, no way out, distracts Greedo with his left hand while aiming his own blaster at the creep from under the table. One shot and Greedo is no more.

Except it doesn’t happen. Not the way I recalled it. The scene just isn’t clear. So we watched on.

Next day, our son Abe is home and I’m telling him we watched Star Wars.

Fsat forward toThe arguments.

Legally, he was in the right. back to wall, threatened by gun-totin’ goon…


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Han_shot_first

Han shot first — so what?

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The new deep pockets

By Joel Thurtell

Time was when government officials would whine that citizens’ lawsuits were busting their budgets, that litigants were aiming at the perceived money-lined deep pockets of governments.

Now it’s the governments, strapped for cash in a lousy economy for tax revenues, that are targeting deep pockets.

Whose pockets?

Ours.

And those of businesses perceived as rich and likely to have the money that governments lack.

One way for governments with police departments to raise income is to write more traffic tickets. Detroit area police agencies have become notorious for handing out tickets. George Hunter of the Detroit News reported on Nov. 17, 2008, that the National Motorists Association rated metropolitan Detroit the worst in the country for speed traps. 

The city of Plymouth wrote 440 tickets in 2002. In 2007, Plymouth cops wrote 2,584 tickets — a 487 percent rise, according to the News. Detroit nearly doubled its ticket production. Southfield’s ticket writing jumped by 131 percent. Dearborn Heights advanced its ticket writing by 60 pecent, Livonia by 49 percent.

Speed traps are one way — arbitrary, capricious, regressive, but effective — at bringing in money to governments with shrinking revenues.

Turns out there are other sneaky ways of imposing arbitrary taxes.

Used to be, police and fire officers responded to emergencies because that was, well, what they were about. It was their job.

Not now.

Seems governments have set their sights on a new set of deep pockets.

Utility companies.

With winds hitting 60 mph this past week, it was no surprise that more than a few electrical lines came down. Why, 230,000 DTE customers lost power.

Downed lines may still conduct electrical current, so it has been normal for cops and firefighters to guard them until utility repair crews show up to fix the damage.

The cops and firefighters still show up. The difference now is that in some towns, they’re billing the utilities for the time they spend watching the downed lines.

“Babysitting these power lines” is what Groveland Township Fire Chief Steve McGee calls the service his firefighters perform safeguarding citizens from electrical wires.

A good, stern babysitter is what’s needed to discipline public officials who think they can extort exorbitant fees from anyone with money in a wallet.

Incredible, but true: Ferndale is charging $250 an hour for a fire engine run to a downed power line and $40 an hour for each cop and firefighter involved in protecting citizens, according to a thoughtful story by Joe Rossiter of the Detroit Free Press.

Royal Oak charges $400 an hour for a fire engine and $50 an hour for each public safety officer.

DTE is outraged, given that the company already pays property taxes on extensive land and equipment holdings throughout meto Detroit.

I don’t blame the utilities. The wind is not their fault.

Remedies come to mind:  Next time power lines go down in Ferndale or Royal Oak, how about simply cutting off electricity to the entire town?

Let them fix their own doggone lines.

Problem is, the residents are not at fault for ordinances enacted by buffoons masquerading as elected officials.

The situation reminds me of what happened some years ago when the city of Plymouth thought it could ticket CSX trains blocking traffic on city streets. I happened to write a story for the Free Press about the train blockages, and I quoted then 35th District Judge James Garber telling me how every so often Plymouth city attorneys and railroad lawyers came into his court to settle the fines, which could amount to $100,000 per court visit. Nice little gravy train for Plymouth.

Judge Garber remarked that CSX regarded the tickets as “the cost of doing business.”

CSX lawyers read my story. They didn’t think they should have to pay that particular “cost of doing business.”

Next thing Plymouth knew, CSX had the city in court defending its ticket-writing.

Guess what — Plymouth lost.

No more railroad tickets in Plymouth or anywhere in the state.

The courts yanked Plymouth’s hand out of CSX’s pocket.

I suspect that, as with the CSX case, this latest effort by communities to extort taxes from utilities will wind up in court.

DTE does have pockets, and it can pay good attorneys, just as CSX did.

Taxpayers could wind up paying this bill two ways. First, DTE may convince the Michigan Public Service Commission that — in the words of Judge Garber — community “babysitting” fees are the cost of doing business and should be passed on to consumers.

That’s us.

If that doesn’t work, DTE could simply tell those towns, as CSX told Plymouth, “See you in court.”

Guess who pays the city’s court bills?

I’d prefer that, though, because the court costs wouldn’t be spread over all of us DTE customers.

Those greed-blinded communities that are trying to suck service fees out of DTE seem to have forgotten that without the utility’s electrical generators and overhead lines, their towns would be in the dark, wind or no wind.

Drop me a line at joelthurtell(at)gmail.com

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Rod the Bad

By Joel Thurtell

Wish I could pronounce his name, but gotta hand it to Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich.

The guv found a way to make Democrats and the U.S. Senate look like jerks.

Instead of resigning his office, as nearly everyone in and out of his political party has demanded, Guv Rod found a way to wave his middle finger at his detractors.

To fill the vacancy left by Barack Obama’s election to the presidency, he appointed not just a black man, but the first African American in Illinois history to win statewide office. Roland Burris, onetime Illinois attorney general, isn’t worried about taking an appointment from a tainted governor.

The key word is “governor,” in that Illinois’ chief executive is still the boss. He has neither resigned, nor has he been impeached.Under the law, he is duty-bound to appoint a successor to Obama.

Most importantly, he has not been convicted, despite flamboyant pronouncements from a hot-shot U.S. attorney. And an editorial harrumph from the New York Times surely won’t deter him or his enthusiastic appointee.

Still, Democratic senators are saying they won’t seat Burris.

Fancy that: The all-white Senate won’t let Burris, who is black, into their exclusive club.

Politicians have a hard time with the concept of due process.

So do newspapers.

You know, innocent until proven guilty and all that arcane constitutional stuff that always seems to get in the way of doing things quick and dirty.

It doesn’t look like the governor is going to back away from this. He seems to be reveling in his little joke. He’s put his detractors in the uncomfortable position of having on the one hand to keep up their respectable appearances by condemning the misbehavior they’ve all heard about from the prosecutor. But on the other hand, in the best of worlds, they’d no doubt like to do the politically correct thing and welcome a black into the Senate.

At the moment, it doesn’t seem like they can do both.

If the governor doesn’t back down, this one is headed for court.

But maybe the senators will be the ones to cave.

Here’s the thing: The Senate could use a black voice.

And it appears that Burris is qaulified. In fact, he’s well-regarded.

So why not seat him?

Maybe Blagojevich is bad. Maybe he’ll be convicted. Or maybe not.

Isn’t it possible, though, that this seemingly bad governor might have done a good thing?

Drop me a line at joelthurtell(at)gmail.com

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Diary of Caroline Kennedy

Dear Diary,

What a rotten, you know, day. So glad, like, it’s over.

Spent an awful, sort of, just an excruciating hour talking to those know-nothings from the New York Times.

Who said the Times was, like, an elite newspaper?

Those guys are one step up from, you know, the gutter press.

Like if I hadn’t decided to be anointed Senator of New York, I wouldn’t have had to mix with such, you know, rabble.

Canaille!

Oh, dear Diary, I tried, you know, I tried for the longest time to keep from talking to those, you know, revolting types.

The press, I mean. Media creatures.

They are all the same, looking for the low blow, sort of.

But it seems there was no way out. If I want to be anointed to a job that should be mine by right of inheritance, you know, it seems like I shouldn’t have to speak to low-brows in the media. I should just be anointed and take my seat in the Senate so I can sort of serve the middle and lower classes as is my birth right.

But no. The selfsame press that demands I talk to them screams out ugly headlines that I’m shirking my public responsibility by ducking their questions.

I told my personal assistant, you know, okay, I’ll talk to those reporters. But not in my house! No way, you know. I won’t sully my classy, like, Upper East Side apartment with the presence of middle-class hooligans from the Times. Find a back room in some, you know, Coney Island diner, I said. Make sure it’s upscale, you know, and right around the corner from my classy Upper East Side apartment so I can get home fast if things go, like, south.

Can you believe those lowlifes wanted to know what made me decide I wanted to be a Senator?

Why, my dad was a Senator, you know, before he was President. And two of my uncles were Senators. Why, one still is!

I mean, you know, I have a God-given right to be a Senator, too!

Besides, what business is it of theirs why I want Uncle Dave Paterson, you know, the governor of New York, to anoint me Senator?

They tried to sneak that question in sideways, but I was ready for them.

Describe the moment, they said, when I decided to go after Hillary’s Senate seat.

Slime balls! Boy, did I hit them with, you know, sarcasm.

“Have you guys ever thought about writing for, like, a woman’s magazine or something? I thought you were the crack political team.”*

Boy, did that set them back, I think.

I gave them a big sneer, too.

Could you believe they, like, tried to get me to say bad things about Uncle Dave?

And so what if I sent my kids to private schools? I work for the public schools. Believe me, that sort of gives me ample comprehension of what it’s like to be a public school kid or have a kid in public school maybe, you know, I think, even more than the people who actually like are in public schools or you know have their kids there because they’re sort of too close to it and I’m not because, as I told those reporters, “I have lived a very advantaged life, and I am very fortunate, but our family tradition has been always to work for, as I said, for working people.”*

Which working people do I work for, dear Diary? The Times guys failed to ask, but if they had, this is what I’d have said: Why, I employ a household worker and a personal assistant and I, sort of, like, work for them. So there!

Oh yes, dear Diary, they tried to sneak in a political question. Can you believe it? I’m going to be anointed to the Senate, not some borough council! I mean, like, I’m a Kennedy, I can’t lower myself to run for some undignified lackey job like, you know, city council or state legislator or attorney general. A Kennedy does not dirty a Kennedy’s hands with low-level politics, so they think I don’t have experience. I was, you know, ready: “It hasn’t been sort of a partisan kind of career that I’ve had. So I think that at this point in time, that’s what people are looking for.”*

I know how to answer a question, believe me.

I told them if they don’t want to make me a Senator because of me, you know, me myself, Uncle Dave could do it for Uncle Ted: “He loves the Senate. It’s been, you know, the most, you know, rewarding life for him, you know. I’m sure he would love it to feel like somebody that he cared about had that same kind of opportunity.”*

I am a Kennedy, dear Diary. I hate to keep repeating it, but…

Then they really set a trap, sort of. They asked me about the “current crisis.” Boy, did I let them have it!

“This is not about the past,” I said. “This is really about the future and the moment that we’re in, and I think that everybody right now has an obligation to think about what they can do to help. This is, you know — nobody can sit out this one anymore.”

Wasn’t that laying it on the line, dear Diary? I don’t mince words, you know. The thing is, I DO feel this obligation because I’m a Kennedy born and bred that I should finally at age 51 try to help, ’cause, like, “nobody can sit out this one anymore.”

Hey! I said that! You can quote me! And if Uncle Dave reads it, maybe he’ll understand. But if he can’t see fit to anoint me for Uncle Ted, maybe he can make me Senator for my kids’ sake!

“I think they are really politically engaged, and kind of going through the campaign last year with them, you know, and with my uncle, and sort of having this kind of multi-generational effort brought us all closer together, and I think that’s something that I think I saw in families across the country, where grandparents, people my age, and people voting for the first time all really felt that this was kind of a moment in time that re-energized people in terms of the change that needed to be possible.”

Wasn’t that great, dear Diary? If Uncle Dave does anoint me Senator and I do get a chance to run in a real election, I want to use that line as a slogan: “The change that needed to be possible.”*

Catchy, sort of, isn’t it?

I think “multi-generational” sums it up, too.

But I’d sort of had enough of those guys from the Times. One of them tried to, you know, ask one last question. I cut him, you know, off.

“I think we’re done.”*

And believe me, you know, I was being sort of polite.

If I get to be Senator, just wait.

Like, noblesse oblige, or screw you.

*Caroline Kennedy actually said these things.

Drop me a line at joelthurtell(at)gmail.com

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Burton’s ten

By Joel Thurtell

There are ways of making a buck that can make you a loser.

The Burton Historical Collections at the Detroit Public Library has devised a way to make a buck — actually ten bucks.

But they’ve lost me as a reader.

So big deal, right?

What’s one suburbanite reader more or less? For every malcontent like me, there may be 10 well-heeled readers ready to cough up the charge.

The Burton charges non-city resident readers ten bucks a day to use their materials for research.

I was surprised to learn this. Back in days of yore when I worked for the Detroit Free Press, I never had to pay to do research at the Burton. It didn’t matter then that I lived in Plymouth Township, not the city of Detroit.

I told the desk person my story, and she informed me that under the Burton’s rules, a newspaper writer working on an article doesn’t have to pay the daily fee.

But a member of the general public — like me in my present retired state — has to pay the $10 fee. No matter that I’m doing research for a book or my blog.

I’m still trying to make sense of this policy.

A reporter for a newspaper which presumably is not too strapped for cash to pay the reporter a salary can work in the Burton for free. Very likely, that reporter can even file an expense report and be reimbursed for research costs.

But a retired guy like me, who does not collect a salary from a newspaper, who does not have a company-paid expense account, that researcher has to pay ten bucks a day for the privilege of reading materials that others, regardless of residency, can look at for free.

Ten bucks a day. By itself, the fee adds up. Five days — a week of research — fifty bucks. Then, of course, the City of Detroit charges fees for parking at meters or in parking structures. And there is the cost of gas. My best estimate is that my research at the Burton would cost me at least $20 a day, a hundred a week — and likely more.

Message to the Burton: I am not a newspaper reporter. I am not on salary. I am working on a book. I am just as hungry for knowledge as any salaried newspaper reporter. The acknowledgments page of my book will list the libraries and librarians who helped me with this project.

But that is probably a bit too speculative for you. Instant gratification will not be yours or mine with this project. My book will not appear tomorrow, as would a daily newspaper story.

Oh, I’ve heard the argument about how the Detroit library is hard up for money. So am I. If you’re REALLY so hard up, why let the newspaper reporters off scot free?

Maybe you don’t want to wait a few months or years to receive credit for helping with m project.

Well, then, think of my blog. Joelontheroad.com reaches a handful of readers, or more, and I publish whenever I like. And though JOTR is not a paper newspaper, if you’ve noticed, the old paper papers in Detroit are planning to abandon most of their flammable, inkable medium. Soon, those Detroit Free Press and Detroit News writers may be bloggers just like me.

That’s a good reason why you might not want to place your bets on daily newspapers as a conveyance of publicity, if that is the idea behind letting newspaper reporters escape from your discriminatory $10-a-day fee.

Whatever. I found another library where I can do research all day. I pay for my gas to and from. Parking is free. No daily research charge.

It’s called the Alvin Bentley Historical Library at the University of Michigan. It’sw in Ann Arbor, half the distance I’d travel to and from the Burton. The Bentley has a wonderful collection of books and records about Michigan history — just what I need.

Ten bucks a day?

Bye-bye Burton.

Hello, Bentley.

Drop me a line at joelthurtell(at)gmail.com

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