By Joel Thurtell
Like all book prices, the value I’ve set on this one is purely arbitrary.
Totally unrelated to cost of production, author’s royalties or any other mundane publishing considerations.
In fact, $5 billion may prove too low.
Why, I don’t even have the book yet.
Maybe when — or if — I get my hands on this 299-page volume, the price may have to change.
Upward, of course.
Because they want it.
And they will be willing to pay for it.
Won’t they?
My book is called Operation Dark Heart. It was written by Anthony Shaffer.
Anthony Shaffer once upon a time was a lieutenant colonel in the U.S. Army. He took part in some secret operations in Afghanistan. He was even awarded the bronze medal for his efforts.
Col. Shaffer wrote a book about his adventures. The New York Times described it as a “breezily-written, first-person account” of Shaffer’s experiences.
Why do I think it’s worth five billion?
Well, as I said, I may decide it’s worth a lot more.
Once I get my hands on it.
You see, they want my book.
They want it very badly.
“They” are military intelligence.
Remember the old joke about “military intelligence” being the perfect example of a contradiction in terms.
Well, Col. Shafer’s book is a classic example of how dumb military intelligence can be.
He submitted his book to Army censors last January. They asked for some changes, which he made.
The book was to be published by St. Martin’s Press on August 31.
Late in the summer, military intelligence finally started reading the book.
Maybe they’d just finished their crash course in literacy and wanted to show off their new reading skills.
The Defense Intelligence Agency, Central Intelligence Agency and National Security Agency began nitpicking the book, claiming it gave away all sorts of spy secrets.
They were a bit late. The book had been printed. Review copies had been mailed out. Despite the August 31 publication date, copies were on hand at booksellers. This, by the way, is the norm in publishing.
So, The Times got wind of the story and its reporter ordered the book online.
Now, my blood boils when I hear about attempts by government or anyone to censor authors.
The guy cooperated and made the changes they asked for back in January, for chrissake. How many shots do they get? They could keep a book off the market forever at the rate government agencies work, if “work” is an appropriate description for whatever it is they do.
Anyway, now the government is negotiating to buy all of Shaffer’s books.
Problem is, the book is still for sale online.
Maybe not for long.
That’s why I set my coffee down, put the newspaper aside and scrambled to my computer.
I ordered my copy of Operation Dark Heart.
Now I’ll wait to see what happens.
Will they intervene to stop the sale?
Will Shaffer’s book actually be delivered to my home?
Right now, I’m auctioning the book, starting at five billion big ones, based on my virtual possession.
Once I take possession for real, of course, the price will only go up.
I’m curious to find out if I will actually receive the book.
Maybe I should try to corner the market.
But why be greedy?
Five billion will last me a good while.
There’s only one buyer: the government.
Or is there?
Why, I could start a bidding war between the DIA, CIA and NSA.
I always wanted to make a living off books.
Finally, I’ve found a way.
They’ll have to buy my book. Otherwise, I’ll review it here on JOTR and maybe give away some state secrets.
They could buy up every other book, but if my copy is in my hands, no telling what I might do with it.
Sell it.
Those idiots will pay me handsomely.
No point spending money on more of Shaffer’s books.
One is enough.
Cash only, please — no plastic.
Drop me a line at joelthurtell@gmail.com
I love it Joel! You’ve still got it!
Hank Hagemeyer
I want to know if you get your copy. That sounds like a GREAT read!
Joel, these events had at least one antecedent.
In 2003, I saw former CIA operative Robert Baer interviewed (I think it was on BookSpan). He was talking about his (then) new book “Sleeping With the Devil: How Washington Sold Our Soul for Saudi Crude.” My interest was particularly piqued when he held up a copy of the book, showing the many words, sentences and paragraphs that had been blacked out by CIA censors. I immediately ordered a copy of the book, and found it unputdownable.
It is very difficult to know where to draw the line when it comes to intelligence/counterintelligence censorship. Lately, I have become more and more convinced that our news media give out far too much information about hostage rescues and anti-terrorist operations. It seems that our terrorist enemies don’t need spies; all they need is to watch/read our news accounts, and they easily learn how to outwit us and succeed in their nefarious schemes.
But drawing the line has two edges: On the one hand, one wonders how much a particular intelligence agency worries about giving away too much information that could be quite dangerous to us. On the other hand, one also wonders how much the facts in such whistleblowing books bring to the attention of our own citizens exactly who the villains in our own government, State Department and on Capitol Hill are and spotlight such officials to an incredible extent.
If readers are shaken by events in spy novels, try reading some nonfiction accounts of the espionage/intelligence agencies — and even more so, accounts of well-known officials whose actions put them hand-in-glove financially and power-wise with the people whose goal is for American to go down the drain. Such factual revelations stand one’s hair on end.
Wikipedia’s “Non-fiction books about espionage,” lists about two dozen such books —
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Nonfiction_books_about_espionage.
Also, Amazon has a similar list.
One for-instance: How many Americans know that enroute home from the Yalta Conference, in 1945, Pres. Roosevelt, on board the USS Quincy, in the Suez Canal’s Great Bitter Lake, met (separately) with Farouk I of Egypt, Ethiopia’s Haile Selaisse, and King Ibn Sa’ud? As Baer writes, “Contemporary historians and other commentators tended to treat the meeting [with Sa’ud] as an aside, and even modern historians are apt to give it short shrift. Yalta is where the action was. The war was winding down. Europe needed to be rebuilt; Germany and Japan, to be shaped into pacifist nations. But it was on the Quincy, not at Yalta, that the energy cornerstone of America’s postwar industrial machine was laid.”
Sometimes I think our enemies know more about our history than we do . . . to their benefit, and to our detriment.
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