By Matty Moroun
JOTR Guest Columnist
Finally, I get a chance to air my views in an independent forum untouched by greed or special interest.
In other words, untouched by me!
Ha-ha!
Just kidding.
As you can see, I don’t really know how to write a column. Always before, I hired some flunky to do my writing.
But when the proprietor of this blog offered to publish something if I alone were its author, how could I refuse?
Thank you very much, joelontheroad.com!
But I want to make one thing clear:
I’m not really writing this.
Any more than I own the Ambassador Bridge, aka Detroit International Bridge Co.
Actually, the bridge owns me!
It’s true!
I belong to a holding company.
Hey, don’t ask me!
Do I make money off my Ambassador Bridge tolls and the gas and goodies my duty free store sells?
Oops1
I didn’t mean “my’ as in “my bridge” or “my store.”
My store actually owns me!
Do you believe that?
I do!
I gotta get that judge to believe it, too.
I sure don’t want to show up in his court next week.
Anybody else would have to answer a judge’s order.
But I’m Matty Moroun.
I don’t gotta do nothin’ I don’t want to do ’cause I’m a friggin’ billionaire!
Money talks!
Bullshit walks.
Walks straight out of that courtroom.
I hope!
But here’s the thing — I’m not really Matty at all.
I’m somebody else.
And somebody else don’t have to go to court.
Why should I have to go to court?
I’m better than you.
I’m bigger than that judge.
I’m smarter than the governor.
I’m so smart I’m not Matty Moroun.
I’m just a holding company.
Holding companies don’t do nothin’ ‘cept hold things.
Hey, what I want to know is this:
What kind of suit does a holding company wear to court?
