Peppermint Patti
By Peppermint Patti
JOTR Columnist
My two-leggers have names for each other, Sophie.
KahRen.
ChowEl.
I call them other things.
The female is “Finder.”
She found me at the dog pound.
I am graateful to her.
I call the male two-legger “Flato.”
Let us just say that he has a penchant for stenchant.
Or a pench for stench.
We’ll leave it at that.
Did you know, Sophie, “Flato” was the name of a famous Greek philosopher?
So I mean no disrespect to the head two-legger.
Excuse me.
Gotta shake.
Wow, that was good.
Where was I?
“Flato.”
A living wind tunnel.
Two-legged walkers do not digest food well if at all.
If they stuck to Purina, everything would come out okay.
Being two-leggers, they must have variety in everything, or they suffer boredom.
What do they think I suffer from when they leave the house?
Boredom.
The eternal quest for the bush-butt, Sophie, is what gives life its zest.
But two-leggers are useful. When they open the door, I go out and pee.
Or the other.
But I can’t do either if they leave the house with me trapped inside.
At least, not officially.
Oh yes, Sophie, we dogs know ways — indoors — to relieve the pressure.
Personally, I like the feel of carpet, though I know you prefer Linoleum.
You know what they say: “History will absorb me.”
But back to two-leggers and wind: It’s all about being cooped up behind those light tablets they write on.
They spend too much time around those illuminated planks.
It does not suit their bowels.
Nothing a dog can do about that.
I’ve said it before, training two-leggers is hard, thankless work.
