Category Archives: Peppermint Patti

Counting bodies, or not

  For all the adorable images of cats that play the piano, flush the toilet, mew melodiously and find their way back home over hundreds of miles, scientists have identified a shocking new truth: cats are far deadlier than anyone … Continue reading

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Shock and paw

By Peppermint Patti Neither thing is something to brag about, Sophie. You ask how I felt. You have also asked, Sophie, why I did it. Well, scaring a lumbering lard-brain* up a tree leaves a dog feeling about the same … Continue reading

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Tail bites man

Die Welt is alles, was der Schwanz ist. — Ludwig Wittgenhund, Tractatus Dogico-Philosophicus By Peppermint Patti Do two-leggers ever think, Sophie, about what they’re saying? I mean, engage gray matter before opening yap! What does that mean, “the tail wagging … Continue reading

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Doggone market share

By Peppermint Patti JOTR Columnist Spell it backward, Sophie and GOD is DOG. DOG is who or whom I’m talking to in these columns. Or trying to. What with Internet censorship, it’s hard to get through. Most of my readers … Continue reading

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Lap dog’s lament

By Peppermint Patti JOTR Columnist I hear them talk about it, Sophie, and there’s only one word for what I feel. Angst. If they go through with this thing, Sophie, I have a big question: Where am I gonna sit? … Continue reading

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Dog U

By Patti, PhD (Philosophocus Dogus) JOTR Columnist You’ve heard it through the grape whine, haven’t you, Sophie? I’m Professor of Canine Studies at the U. Happened at Christmas. A present to me from my two-leggers. They got tired of paying … Continue reading

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Poetry, or…

By Peppermint Patti JOTR Columnist I pray that the Great Dog in the Sky will spare me, Sophie, from two-leggers who think they are poets. My male biped suffers from this affliction. Creative he is not, but thinks he is. … Continue reading

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Naming names

By Peppermint Patti JOTR Columnist My two-leggers have names for each other, Sophie. KahRen. ChowEl. I call them other things. The female is “Finder.” She found me at the dog pound. I am graateful to her. I call the male … Continue reading

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Dreaming of blue cheese

By Peppermint Patti A smart dog, Sophie, will not eat blue cheese. In public. What I mean by “public” is in the presence of two-leggers. A dog’s penchant for blue cheese, Sophie, is not something a two-legger readily understands. I … Continue reading

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Private eye

By Peppermint Patti JOTR columnist The art of detection, Sophie, is the knack for finding things before anyone else. Smelling, hearing. seeing — we dogs are the best detectives known to the two-legger class. Which is why they’re telling me … Continue reading

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